The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Would you eat a spider? 
I wouldn’t.

Even if I was starving and ended up in such a god forsaken place where the only form of sustenance happened to be spiders. 

I’m not even sure if a spider would offer any sustenance would it? Certainly not singularly. And I’m definitely not eating a handful or a bucket of spiders.

I could eat a slug.
I could even eat a human at a stretch; if he/she were already dead and there really wasn’t any real alternative. Like in that movie about the plane crash or if I happened to be lost at sea, with a handy corpse beside me. In that sort of desperate scenario I might be tempted to eat a few strips of carpaccio bum cheek. 

I would try to eat grass, wood and all sorts of other distasteful things. But definitely not a spider.

I’m not even afraid of spiders, I quite like them. If the enemy of my enemy is my friend and mosquitos are my enemy then spiders must be my friends.

Still wouldn’t eat one though, friendly or otherwise.

If I could I would happily remove mosquitos from existence.

I recognise there might be some food chain implications with this but if the removal of mosquitos from the world meant a small bird in Africa or a rare Nicaraguan water vole became extinct I would be ok with that. I would consider this acceptable collateral damage if we were to rid the world of its most annoying, and deadly, insect.

I read somewhere that if the world started eating insects food shortages and famine would disappear.

The logic here seems to make sense, insects are plentiful, insects are a good source of protein and for the most part insects are not really that hard to catch. That is apart from the single stuka dive bomber mosquito who resides in my bedroom all summer - every fucking summer.

I am perfectly ok with everyone, myself included, starting to eat insects but with one caveat (apart from the spider one). We don’t start farming them.

We eat the insects which exist today but we don’t start setting up slug farms or mosquito ranges or ant batteries. I don’t want to see a free range beetles or anything like that on the shelves at Tesco’s. If we start farming them, there will be more of them and this would defeat the point.

I want to rid the world of hunger and reduce the number of flying, buzzing, crawling things at the same time. Which is not too much to ask, is it?

But if we start adding beetles into our diet then what will happen to the pigs, cows and sheep? If consumer demand for these animals were to drop would they just die out? Or go wild, like planet of the apes?

I think pigs would be ok fending for themselves. Pigs are super intelligent and in some places still roam wild. Pigs I think would quickly reinvent themselves and become carnivorous wild forest dwelling hunters.   

Don’t know about cows, I guess we would probably keep looking after them so we could have decent shoes and handbags, and milk.

Sheep would die out, of that there’s no doubt.

Sheep are the stupidest animals ever invented, dafter than red setters even. I can’t imagine sheep ever having been a wild animal. I understand they must have at one point, unless we did actually invent them, but that wild, street savviness DNA strand which pigs still have has long since been bred out of sheep.

They might survive for a while wandering aimlessly into town centers with poo on their bum fur, jumping in front of cars/buses/trains for no apparent reason and eating grass but eventually they will become extinct.

Because they are stupid. It would be a shame but such is the law of the natural world.

Stupid animals die out or so Darwin said. The Dodo was daft as a brush and look what happened to it. You don’t even need to have met or interacted with a dodo to know it was a stupid animal - its name is proof enough.

Yes, stupidity can be deadly. 

Can I kill a cat? Is that allowed and not against the law?

I'm very allergic to them, I don't own a cat, have never owned a cat so why is it ok for my neighbours cat to come traipsing over to my garden to shit, sleep, play, stalk and do other annoying feline things there?

Can I, for example turn my garden into a very very cat unfriendly place; tuna laced with cyanide, bear traps that sort of thing?

I would of course let my neighbours know in advance and tell them all will be ok so long as Fluffy stays the hell out of my garden. Its then up to them how they do this...

Anyway, cats are not stupid thats clear. In a wild animal world I think all cats will survive very well indeed. Its the stupid ones which will die out.

Stupid insects on the other hand seem to thrive. 

It seems like Darwinism is reversed when it comes to the insect world. Daddy long legs are an excellent example of successful stupid-ness, how they have survive is beyond me. But they do.

So lets start eating them.

If we did, the world will be less hungry. Probably. It would definitely be more interesting, pigs will go Rambo in the forests, sheep will be a thing of the past, cows will still be there and maybe, just maybe, my resident mosquito will stop dive bombing me every night.

But I'm still not eating a spider……